The Choice to Choose Ourselves First
- Joan Sather
- Jun 18, 2022
- 2 min read

Being loved and feeling worthy are not the same thing, and I have often confused the two in the past.
I recently heard someone (Mark Groves - I follow him on IG and it’s always like he’s speaking directly to me) say that waiting for someone unattainable, that you want to choose you, is like a drug. The drug is that someone will finally show up for you, and you will then “know” you are worthy. Since this is akin to a drug and you are pursuing a high, you continue to get into relationships with unattainable people, because you are always searching for the high you want to experience of being worthy enough to be chosen; to feel like the special one who is different from all the rest.
Our worth does not live in someone choosing us, though. In pursuing unavailable people, we are walking away from ourselves and we will always be searching for our worth outside of where we should be looking. It is a vicious cycle with no end, until we take a step outside of that circle by saying “no” to pursuing relationships with unavailable people, and saying “yes” to the concept that we are worthy all on our own.
That person we are waiting for might eventually choose us, and that might make us feel elated. We will still not have found our true worth, though, because we did not choose ourselves, first. We let that person decide for us.
Although most of us already know this in our heads, it can take awhile, if ever, to click in our hearts. How often have so many of us been living this same relationship dynamic, so many times, without fully realizing it. I know without a doubt, that we never really want to chase anyone, or want to wait for someone to decide to choose us. I know we WANT to choose ourselves first. So let’s do it.
Let’s make it the reality that regardless of what anyone else decides about us, the question of our worth is off the table.
Because we’ve already established how high it is, all on our own...by choosing ourselves first.
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