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Us Vs. Our Ego



Skills that are typically hard and take time to perfect, like playing the guitar, can be learned through actual phone apps, now. We have options that help us go straight from “A” to “Z,” and we can make the hardest things seem less complicated with a book that ends in “...for dummies.” Sometimes, the promises made that even “dummies” can do something gives us anxiety when it feels like we are one of the dummies that can’t, though.


These resources are wonderful at improving accessibility for us to learn things we might not have had the opportunity to learn, otherwise. I definitely can’t afford to pay someone to teach me how to play the guitar. If that was my only option, I would never have started to learn at all. I’m thankful I’ve been able to discover the parts of me that are coming to light, through learning this skill. Learning on my own is teaching me much more than how to play the guitar. It’s teaching me how to play the most complicated instrument of all; my ego.


My ego wants control. She wants me to be a badass, brainiac, superhero, musical genius person. She wants me to be all the things and she wants me to be perfect at them. Now. She will settle for no less, because she wants me to be “good enough.”


Did you know that all the ego wants is to always be right? Our body’s chemistry is triggered by thought and emotion, which will support our ego’s theory of reality. If I’m not living up to my drill sergeant ego’s theory of what is good enough (i.e. a badass, brainiac, superhero, musical genius person), I’m being flooded with emotions that tell me I’m bad. Then I really do feel bad and that is the type of thing that could convince a person to quit trying to learn how to do something new and hard, like play the guitar. After all, if there is a risk that I will find out I am not “good enough” at the guitar, my ego wants me to quit so we can maintain a perfect facade for ourselves and everyone else. My ego thinks I am only what I appear to be.


l know differently, though. I know that I’m not an overall good guitar player, yet. I couldn’t perform for anyone. But I’ve gotten pretty good at the chords I have learned, through diligent daily practice. I smile every time I walk by my guitar. She feels comfortable in my lap now. I hear when she isn’t in tune, even without a device to tell me. My fingers move much more quickly from chord to chord and I don’t have to look at them anymore. I’m still learning how to consistently land on the chords without creating static, but I’m definitely improving. More slowly than my ego would like, but I like that I’m improving.


I’m so much more than the perfect guitar player my ego eventually wants me to be. That version is missing the soul of me that is a dedicated, inspired, consistent student of an art form I love. As I’ve been the same dedicated student of other things that were hard, yet important to me at the time; like getting my MBA.


I don’t know who else needs to hear this today, but you are not only what you appear to be on the surface. If your ego is anything like mine, it is never going to be satisfied and you are never going to be good enough to meet it’s requirements. Contrary to what your ego believes, you are not the job you have, the clothes you wear, or the car you drive and you don’t have to strive for better versions of all those things to be good enough. There is more to life than recognition and validation for having successfully attained an end goal.

The good stuff that shows us who we really are, is in all the little things that lead to our growth as we work toward those end goals.


Today my ego is focused on the guitar, and I have to remind her of the consistent dedication I’ve put into improving and the progress I’ve made, so she’ll shut up. Other days she’s harping on my career and how long it has taken me to get to the level I am and how I should have gotten there sooner. Or she nags me because I haven’t finished my doctorate when everyone else at my level has one...and I don’t care. I just don’t care about any of that kind of stuff, anymore.


My ego and I are starting to disagree more and more on what a successful me looks like. I like my version better. I like that I am improving at letting go of a perfect facade so I can just be real. I like that I am not striving to be my ego’s version of me anymore (most of the time).


 
 
 

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